The Dark Man and His Deathly Steed

The dark man and his deathly steed

Feasted upon man with greed

Taking lives and taking tool

Taking man where they did not wish to go

.

He stole at war, he stole on blades

He stole through a thick bloody haze

With his grey cape flapping fast

He stole the future, left the past

.

He plundered on murder, he plundered on doubt

He took the young and old, the thin and stout

And he loved the sick, he loved the ill

So he took those with no hearty will

.

The dark man and his deathly steed

Feasted on plague and times of need

When people were poor and sick and slender

In their slumber they would surrender

.

To the deathly horse’s iron hooves

Centuries of blood within their grooves

Where he trampled upon the light of life

And took away the human might

.

For everyday they trample fast

When they steal the future, leave the past

And they steal the starlight, they steal the sun

They steal life’s pleasures, with death begun

.

For the dark man and his horse of death

Pride themselves on living theft

Of stealing life, of stealing light

Of stealing friends, the son, the wife

.

A little dark, I know, but what’s darker than Halloween? And yes, I consider this a more Halloween poem, considering Halloween was two days ago. Pity that it wasn’t a Friday, but what can you do?

Anyways, this poem/horror story/creeptastic fiction was written a while ago. Like, six months ago. However, I thought, in absence of a light-hearted poem  full of stars and skies and nature and love, I would throw a wee bit of a curve ball at you. So. I hope you enjoy it, even if it is a little twisted.

For One More Night

 Set me free

For one more night

Where I can taste

The bliss of flight

 .

And feel my wings

Upon my back

Before I have to

Give them back

 .

Before I return

Unto the night

A life of slumber

Without sight

 .

To wait within

My gilded cage

To live forever

And never age

 .

To live in heartache

In freedom’s want

The cage of gold

I’ll forever haunt

 .

So tonight I’ll fly

And soar and hope

That I’ll learn

Of how to cope

 .

And while I fly

I’ll remember this

The taste of heaven

And starlight’s kiss

 .

So set me free

For one more night

Where I can taste

The bliss of flight

.

I don’t know where this poem came from. I don’t know why it speaks to me, when I’m the one who wrote it. And I certainly don’t know why I felt sad when I wrote it.

It’s funny, how, sometimes, the words just appear on the page for what seems like no reason. Like your just a tool for your own imagination. It’s a weird feeling.

Perhaps I’ll just sit down to write freely more often…

Where The Angels Sing

The rain is falling down

The sky is grey and bleak

Everywhere is silent

A cheerless, lonely town

.

Like ghosts along the pier

Like phantoms in the night

We can only cry and wait

For our ending to come near

.

No place for us to run

No place for us to hide

We can only hold each other

As history is spun

.

As we see our town in ashes

The baker’s store, the willow

The cobbled streets, a better time

That comes to me in flashes

.

And it includes a young man, grinning

A man that I have loved

With sparkling eyes and barking laugh

A way that made him winning

.

And when days were good we’d meet

In a summer valley

With dewy tress and singing creek

The only place I was complete

.

It was there that he first kissed me

It was there that he proposed

It was there that our hearts came together

And helped us both to see

.

It was out there in that glen

When war’s whispers finally came

We’d hear about it; its bloody trail

Every now and then

.

And he and I, we waited

For what we knew would come

The draft, the uniform, the soldier’s gear

The fight that we both hated

.

And when we said goodbye

In a lingering kiss

He whispered a sweet promise

And I could only cry

.

And so I watched him go

In a uniform we both loathed

But we knew, our time would come

My lover, my beau

.

But not long after he had left

New lines of war were drawn

And our lovely, carefree town

Suddenly, was bereft

.

For the enemy soldiers came

Took over our poor town

Used it as a battleground

And used us in their game

.

And like pawns, we were used

To help them win their war

A disposable town, pathetic people

A resource to be abused

.

So with optimism we responded

Hoping it would help

Hoping that our boys and men

Would receive what we corresponded

.

But nobody came to help

The battle lines drawn clear

The soldiers were here, here to stay

And they treated us like whelps

.

They used us as their servants

They abused us their leisure

Made us treat their wounds

Let nothing but observance

.

And anyone who disobeyed

Suddenly disappeared

As we became their slaves, their whores

Every whim to be obeyed

.

So when the gunshots rang

And the front lines started closer

We wondered if our men could return

As the bullets and shout all sang

.

And these soldiers were suddenly smart

When they looked at our old town

As they realized just what they could do

Se we could become a part

.

And now we play a part, in this wicked war

We became hostages of these men

Suddenly fine pieces

Better than before

.

We were given a warning

‘Be good to us’, they said

And now that we’ve been good

We’ve see the dawn of morning

.

And with the dawn came fire

As they burned down our poor town

They let the rain sting our faces

While they built our unmarked pyre

.

So now there’s little left

Of this place that we called home

Where children played, where people laughed

Our hearts torn with the theft

.

And now, while we wait

All sentenced to our death

I can only think of him

And what happened to our fate

.

Where a white dress waited

And a violin would play

Where a kiss would seal our hearts

A hope now desecrated

.

The barn where we once danced

Will now become our tomb

As these monsters light the fire

I think of his romance

.

And thus, I whisper my goodbye

I whisper ‘I love you’

And as I find my happy place

I let out a sweet sigh

.

And focus on the better times

Focus on the love

Focus on that valley

Where pain was once a crime

.

And as I twist the diamond ring

And think of his sweet promise

I can only hope that one day we’ll meet again

Up where the angels sing

 

 

Okay, so I know this isn’t my usual type of poem. Very dramatic, very dreary, very drastic. In truth, though, I wrote this months ago, and it sat on my computer because I was worried about putting such a touchy poem up.

Then I watched The Boy In The Striped Pajamas. Suddenly, that very dramatic, dreary, drastic movie helped give me confidence in this poem, and it’s story.

I will be the first to admit that the atrocities of World War Two are very, very interesting to me. Not in a morbid way, but in the mere astonishment of what people will do to others. From the Nanking Massacre in 1937-1938, the Oradour-sur-Glane Massacre in 1944, and, of course, the murder of six million Jewish people, along with the masses of the mentally disabled, Romanian, gypsy, homosexual and other cultures killed in work camps throughout Europe. This also includes the horrors of what the Nazi party did under the orders of Hitler, including the twisted Josef Mengele who preformed brutal experiments on children.

However, there was also some light in that dark time. Viktor Frankl is one of my favorite psychologists; I find him to be an uplifting and highly intelligent man; a psychologist that was more human than say, some of the psychologists such as Freud andSkinner.

The horrors of war are awful, and many of them leave scars on many of us. However, there have been many, many other awful wars and massacres even recently. The Rwandan Genocide in 1994, The Srebrenica Massacre in 1995, and some massacres and genocides as recent as 2001. Hate still is in our world, and apparently, we don’t learn from our mistakes.

I guess what I’m trying to say here, is although I wrote this poem with one of the World Wars in mind, it honestly, could be any country at war, any place that has brutality. World War Two was hardly the end of such atrocities such as the concentration camps. All we can truly do is learn from our history, and not doom ourselves to repeat it.

Believe me when I say that I am not usually so ardent in my ideas of peace. But by doing two projects (Nanking and a all-too-short bit on the holocaust, here and here) and yet still reading about some of the awful things that go on in our world can make me a little upset.

So, there’s your summer history lesson for the day. I’ll be more light hearted later, but perhaps, sometimes, its good to introduce something for people to think about. Don’t think poorly of me for it.

The Stars Spin By

My heart aches

My heart breaks

When I sit under this sky

And watch the stars spin by

.

And I’m here wondering why

Watching this midnight sky

I’m alone for tonight

And nothing is right

.

Because imprinted on my eyes

Is you in your disguise

With her, with her, with her

Under my skin, a burning burr

.

And all I want for right now

All I want is to know how

To find my happily ever after

To finally find my laughter

.

To wish on that shooting star

To be right where you are

Instead, here I am with a broken smile

And you carrying on all the while

.

So here I am, here I stand

Just wanting to take your hand

Instead you’re with her

She’s the one you prefer

.

So my heart aches

And my heart breaks

Where I sit under this sky

And watch the stars spin by

.

I admit, I had another poem in mind for this week, but, for some reason, I wrote this one the other day, and felt like it fit this week. It’s grey and rainy here, and the weeks are dragging by while I wait for the key to the door to summer. Because instead of being set free into the summer heat, I’m stuck inside while it rains and I’m pouring over math and science until my head spins.

Not to mention I just feel so dreary. Sad. And lonely, because everybody else is cooped up during the day, studying for these diplomas that will be the death of us all. And while I’m excited for summer, I’m also wondering what it will bring.

This is also a poem for all those who have watched somebody that they want walk away with somebody else.

I’ll have more light-hearted stuff next week, I promise. 🙂

The Song I Couldn’t Sing

So I fell for you

Because I thought I knew you

And yet it wasn’t true

I wanted to love you, wanted to hope

And instead found that you couldn’t cope

Though I wanted to suffer, in order to hope

And instead found you stepping on my throat

After you had whispered sweet lies

The ones to disguise

The words you whispered, twisted and tore

A battle of two hearts locked in war

I wanted to only win your heart

But you wanted to tear mine apart

And when the battle began

I realised and ran

Trying to let go of you

Before you destroyed me, through and through

But your lips and your heart called my name

If only to bathe me back in flame

And soon you trapped me, help me caged

While the battle around us raged

And you wrote words upon my heart

One I hadn’t heart since the start

And you whispered the words as you tightened the chains

The words echoing through my veins

Until you were sated

And my love abated

Until I no longer wanted you

Until I knew that we were through

Then you left me, then you were gone

With the light, and with the dawn

To pick up the broken shards

Left of a house of cards

Of my broken heart, the weeping tale

The battle that had swept through my heart like a gale

And with the pieces I tried to reclaim

But I only could find parts with your name

Even the rag and bone shop couldn’t collect

A heart and love so wrecked

And with words that were etched upon my bones

A heart that had been in places unknowns

My heart, battle torn

Now so battered and worn

The words echoing on my heart, my soul

Words that couldn’t keep me whole

And you left me with a troubled song

All in all that felt so wrong

The words I could mumble, the words I could sigh

I could do so until I would cry

But you were gone, that I knew

And my love for you was through

Because it was you who stole my heart

Enjoyed it when you ripped it apart

But still you left me with a broken wing

Left me with a song I couldn’t sing.

So, here’s something different. Instead of my usual happy-go-lucky love poems about dirt roads and sunsets, I have something about heartbreak, sadness, and general discontent. A war waged between two hearts; one wants the other, and the other will have none of it, but battles anyways. And he breaks her.

It’s kind of a Les Miserables, Eponinne ‘On My Own’ style. But rather than have images that shes stuck with, she has these lyrics etched in her head that she can’t come to terms with. She can’t sing them. Her heart is broken, and she’s been so broken that she can’t come to terms with what happened.

While I have never had my heart broken in this fashion, I know people whose relationships have failed so badly that they sink into a dark spot for days. Or those who want another to fall in love with them, but they never do. And they fight fate.

I know, that for me, I liked this guy for a year or more. I never did anything, but I wanted to be with him, and I wanted something to happen. But I was too afraid of ruining our friendship. So I waited, and waited. And then, he got a girlfriend. Talk about ‘I’m Not That Girl’ from Wicked.

I don’t like him as much anymore, though my heart still sometimes jumps when I see him. But the sadness and jealously that was there was, too me, ridiculous. It shouldn’t matter, I thought. But in a way, it also taught me that sometimes, we have to take the jump, and maybe risk a little.

So, here we are. Hope that you enjoyed it!

The War, The Elf, The Great Ash Tree

Far, far away

A long time ago

When trees used to whisper

When trees used to sing

And when more than just deer

Once settled here

 .

For before humans came

Across the shining sea

Other folk once lived here

Gentle as a sparrow, clever as a cat

It’s where our children played

In this gentle glade

 .

Where the trees became our homes

And the leaves became our dwelling

Where peace and birdsong

The stars and sunlight

Twined ‘round us, a sacred cape

A sanctuary, a great escape

.

Until the day that they came

Across the shifting sea

Humans in their monstrous boats

With hunger in their eyes

Greed within their hearts

Something new within these parts

 .

Where greed and lust did not exist

With its fiery kiss

Instead tranquility and temperance true

Brushed us with its wings

But with these humans, something changed

The moment words between us were exchanged

.

For we were different, easily seen

Our pointed ears, our flowing tongue

Their rounded ears, their harsh, harsh tongue

We had our beliefs in different things

Held our honor different ways

And we lived far longer days

 .

So our cultures crashed

When they came upon our shores

And yet they had the daring nerve

To claim the land, to kill its creatures

Even when our ancestors

Had lived much longer than theirs

 .

And so one day, our differences

Collided in a single meeting

A human man, an eleven male

Achan the Young and Raeus the Light-foot

Both unsheathed their fiery tongue

And dark daring words they flung

 .

Which turned into a bloody night

For both humans and the elven

As Achan and Raeus turned to brutal duel

And late in the night, with Achan’s slaying

For no man could beat an elf

Our fragile peace so revered, it tumbled off the shelf

 .

And a full out war was pledged

Between our folk and theirs

With their battle drums and gnashing gums

And our silvery stunning swords

Our war began, our war was launched

That once began, no blood was stanched

 .

The elven folk fought for our former life

The whispering tress, the gentle life

And man fought for their pride and glory

With bloody words and hungry vows

To take what they thought was theirs

As we fought them for our cares

.

And through each battle

And through the blood

Our gentle life was shattered

Our gentle life was splintered

As war became our way of life

As our days were filled with strife

.

And we carried on for days and months

With neither side a winner

Until a woman, soft as dew-light

Marched to our brave leader

“Sigurad, this war must end

Why yet do we pretend?

 .

“Why yet do we pretend

To fight for our land, our home

When it is shattered, and rendered bare?

Our trees are dying, the sky is crying

The rivers run with blood

And blood has mixed in mud?”

 .

Siguard, the leader replied, much wearied

“Cienwen, fair one, do not mock me with your eyes

For within them you render much despise

I cannot end this war, though it’s wrecked our home

We fight for honor, we fight for family

We fight for all this agony”

 .

Cienwen left then, disagreeing

The fight is prideful,

And pride is fleeting

Like a summer bird in autumn

It soon will go away

And if it does, what left is there to say?

.

‘Our homes destroyed

The braches broken

The numbers of dead are yet unspoken

Our way of life, our way of thinking

Destroyed now by this bitter war

All as a way to settle the score’

 .

She stared out at the burning land

The battlefield, men’s fatal cries

The way the world looked through a bloody haze

Their world fueled by a revolted daze

And how men of both their races

Died on each other’s swords’ embraces

.

She watched as Siguard lead his troops

Out onto the battlefield

Where trumpets blared and soldiers roared

A torch to heat up their discord

Where people maimed and people died

All for this war based on pride

 .

Back to her temporary home she walked

The shouts of children around her mocked

The tragedy of this part of our history

And when her uncle found her there

In his voice there was despair

“Come now, quickly, your brother, Faihr

 .

He calls to you now, his wound is deep

There’s little time, Cienwen, before he’ll pass”

She stared at Uncle, uncomprehending

Her brother, wounded, about to die?

Her brother, twin, and young elf of Saeding

Fate was cruel, and she felt it’s sting

 .

She hurried to his bedside there

Where roses bloomed upon his sheets

Bloomed of blood, and want, and war

Where young elves died, the price of pride

As together, they said their final goodbyes

As his heart made its final cries

 .

And when he passed, a sorrowful wail

From those who mourned the loss of him

A bright young warrior, a handsome sight

A peaceful elf, a luminous light

And now I’ve lost him, now he’s gone

And yet the war around us, presses on

 .

A war on pride, a war on greed

A war sown by a bitter seed

That our fair people had to fight

That turned our light forest, into night

And now Cienwen lost what she held dear

And everything became suddenly achingly clear

 .

Well, she was prideful! Let them see!

Let them meet her at the great ash tree!

At its great branches, at its slender truck

There she would stop this fight, this blanket night

And she would make sure no more war

Ever came to their fair shore

 .

And in her fury, Cienwen went

And there she sang in grief and mourning

To the greatest old grey ash tree

She sang of despair, she sang of love

She sang of the future, of the stars above

She sang about the mourning dove

 .

She sang until she was nothing but the song

Until the world had done her no wrong

Until the elves began to come

To listen to her woeful hum

To listen to her sing her grief

To listen as she turned to leaf

 .

And as she sang, and as she hummed

The air around her thrummed

As she grew into the great ash tree

Tangled with the leaves and bark

Becoming one with the tree itself

Turning to tree from gentle elf

 .

And Cienwen sang until she was no more

Until she was tree, and nothing else

For she knew how to settle the score

And the elf’s fair beauty, the elf’s fair light

Came from within the tree, within the bark

Her limbs and branches in gentle arc

 .

And we wondered why, we wondered how

As we keened our grief, for her and her brother

Why would she do what she had done just now?

Was it out of grief, or out of madness?

To follow her brother? To escape this life?

To take leave of all this strife?

.

But yet we honored her, with her choice

 Giving her transfiguration a voice

We told the others, we told Siguard

Told her uncle, told her aunt

And we mourned the loss of not one but both

Of Tyfwr Eiddew’s gentle growth

 .

We mourned their beauty, their fierceness, their gifts

Fahir’s bravery, Cienwen’s peace

Both of their fervour for life and passion

And we laid Fahir near the great ash tree

Near where his sister had made her plea

And had turned herself within the solemn tree

 .

And the war went on, the war continued

With more dying, more crying

More mourning our losses

Until the day the winds had shifted

Until the day the leaves grew still

And suddenly, the forest contained a thrill

 .

A gentle singing, a gentle hum

Twirling leaves, and yet no breeze

A gentle foreboding, a saddened presence

Creaking trunks and no singing birds

Rippling roots, and shuddering trees

As the war began to freeze

.

For the elves and men alike

Grew frightened at the forest

Where the trees grew into traps

Branches held hostages

And the grass tangled limbs

And the men sung their hymns

 .

The battle that raged, the flames that ravaged

All quickly were extinguished

For fear of the forest’s retaliation

For though none had died,

 Both humans and elves

Were afraid for kin and themselves

.

For neither race had seen such a disturbance

In such a calm, old forest

But Siguard knew

And with the idea flew

To go to speak and see

Cienwen in the great ash tree

.

And once there, he knelt in the grass

On bended knee before the tree

‘Cienwen, tell me, are you there?

Cienwen, beauty,

Do you live within this tree?

Cienwen, will you answer me?’

 .

And he waited there, for a long while

Waiting for a sign, a voice, a whisper

And when there was none, he rose

Only to hear Cienwen’s gentle tones

Rise above the tumbling breeze

Sending him back to his knees

.

‘Siguard, I greet you

Yes, indeed I live

And the power I have within these limbs

Ought to frighten thee

Speak now to the great ash tree

For I am it, and it is me’

 .

The elven leader trembled, the elven leader shivered

For the power Cienwen wielded,

Was far beyond what was known

A great and terrible beauty

And yet she still resided within the tree

How it could be, Siguard could not see

 .

‘Siguard you have come to me,

If you wish now, speak to me

Let down your burdens, lighten the load

Tell me know what leaves your shoulders bowed

And if you so wish, if you desire

I’ll tell you what is truly dire’

 .

Our leader hesitated, stunned by Cienwen’s power

Stunned by her pure intuition

Stunned by this great ash tree

That Cienwen wielded, as part of her

So with fear and awe in part

His side of the tale he began to start

 .

‘Three days ago, and again, three nights

The Gwyrdd forest began to thrum

The birds didn’t’ sing, the wolves didn’t howl

And yet the forest breathed

Stirring the breeze and whispering threats

Giving all of us the sweats

 .

“And yet we continued battle,

Each trying to win with blood

Each trying to ignore the strangeness,

The shifting in the Gwyrdd

Where plants crawled, their creepers gently streaming,

The plant life green and teeming”

 .

He told of a forest writhing and alive

Who took both races into its depths

But yet kept both elf and man alive

Even when they could not be found

A warning, a signal, something more?

What did this forest abhor?

.

Cienwen and the tree sighed

When Siguard finished his tale

And with a whisper on the breeze

“Siguard, did I not tell you?

Did I not say?

This war on pride, this war on greed

This war sown by a bitter seed,

 .

“It must end, it must stop

Or the Gwyrdd will start to kill

And you may hack down every tree there forth –

But you will never succeed –

You must end this war, you must end this fight

Or you will feel the forest’s bite”

.

“Cienwen, why? Cienwen, when?

Why does the forest seek to kill?

For the need, or for the thrill?

Let me say, it is no thrill to kill?

Why make men suffer? Why make men die?

Why make poor people cry?”

 .

The whisper was sharp

The sting like a whip

“Siguard, what must I say to make you see?
You couldn’t see it before, but see it now!

This war must stop!

The cost must drop!

 .

“Your homes are destroyed

The braches broken

The numbers of dead are yet unspoken

Your way of life, your way of thinking

Destroyed now by this bitter war

All as a way to settle the score

 .

“None are winning, all have lost!

All at too high of cost

I lost my brother, you’ve lost your sons

And now I have power, now I have skill

And when I say, the trees will kill

Not for the power, not for the thrill

 .

“But to make you see, but to help you find

Look at the ground, saturated with blood

Places teeming with life, deserted

The burying ground full

And everybody grieving,

Wanting to be disbelieving”

 .

Siguard started, feeling frightened

Of what Cienwen had implied

A forest that could attack?
A forest that could maim?
What would cause this madness?
What would cause this sadness?
.
This war they fought, for pride, for glory,

Was to keep their way of life, their home, their children

And make sure that no man would overstep their borders

So why would Gwyrdd fight against them?

Why would it threaten, why would it warn?

Why would it be so set to mourn?

 .

Then it came to him, then he saw

What Cienwen had been saying all along

In mind’s eye, his youngest son

Embracing a sword’s cutting kiss

His eyes wide as he pulled it out in wonder

The embrace tearing him asunder

 .

How Siguard had roared, and quickly slain

The man who had killed young Ieuen.

How he had kissed his son goodbye

And had heard his mother’s cry

The pain he had felt, the sting of sorrow

Had made him fight harder, on the morrow

 .

And yet, and yet!

Multiplied by a hundred, a thousand

He began to feel the pain of what this war had caused

And with that, he let out a cry

“Cienwen, fair one, now I see

What you were trying to say to me

 .

“We’ve lost many elves

We’ve lost many people

With our homes destroyed

Blood spilled

 And lives in tatters

It’s not truly this war that matters

 .

“No, we must rebuild, make a truce,

Find our peace again

And remember this day

For this war shall end

This war shall finish

Before we diminish

 .

“It will be long, it will be hard

But we will save lives instead

Of cutting each other down

No more murder, no more death

We shall believe in peace and no more war

And we all shall restore”

 .

A contented sigh flew through the breeze

And Siguard finally took his leave

Finally understanding, finally aware

What he had brought his people through

And Cienwen, in the great ash tree

Knew Siguard could finally see

 .

So, in the days and weeks to come

The elves and the men had their talks

And it was decided, to end the war

As none had won, and all had lost

Together they would rebuild

Both races finally fulfilled

 .

And none forgot the great ash tree

None forgot fair Cienwen

And every year, when the trees blossom

And the jewelled birds sing their song

We honor her with our verses

And each of us converses

 .

For she is old, and she is wise

With her weeping branches,

She has seen as much as any elf

And anytime you need an answer

Cienwen can calm, Cienwen can help

Without scorn, and without a yelp

 .

For her beauty remains within her limbs

And all who see her do remember

What she did for elves and man

And how she controls the forest

A tree that was once an elf

An elf that fought herself

.

A young maiden who wanted to change

Who wanted peace, who wanted love

Who took the chance, who took the sacrifice

To fix what she believed broken

To who stopped a war

To who we adore

.

Okay. This one is long. And when I say long, it’s 2 566 words. This is the longest poem I have ever written, and I’m not even sure why it is so long. But, it’s a new experience. So, congrats if you got to the bottom of it, because it’s not my usual material.

So I’ll keep it short and sweet on this one. 

–          I’m not sure why this particular topic popped into my head, nor why I felt inclined to write a story about it. Though I have my suspicions on a week of having the flu and watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I also admit to really enjoying a good fantasy novel ever once in a while, so who knows where I picked this up.

Other than that, I’m heading out to Toronto tonight to play in my last Nationals ever before I am done my club volleyball career. It will be really hard, both emotionally and physically. After all, we’ll have to fight for every point, every set, every game. And then…it’ll be done. And my days as a volleyball player will be over. 😦

And then, two days later, it’s grad. It’s moving really, really fast, and I can’t believe how fast this year has flown by.

But enough on that. Have  a good long weekend (if you live in Canada), and if not, then enjoy, and thanks for reading all of this! 😀

Beyond The Wintery Walls

When the wings

Of a black bird sings

A song of wonder

A song of hope

My heart flutters

Looking for wonders

 

Far beyond these kitchen walls

Something brighter calls

It tells of summer

It tells of spring

My eyes widen

And look to hide in

 

The call of the dance

Of summery days

A time of freedom

A time of heat

When I could live

And I could give

 

My heart to another

Someone new

Handsome

And true

When I could dance

And sweet romance

 

With the man of summer’s hue

Sun kissed and smiling

Laughing

Dancing

There we would lie

Under a drunken sky

 

With the wine of summer’s dew

Drunk on sun

Drunk on you

Intoxicated hearts

Like stealing tarts

 

From the window pane

Where I’m the same

Dark kitchen walls

Dark peeling halls

Summer’s gone

It’s winter’s dawn

 

And love is gone

Where it once shone

Like summery sun

Like flowers sprung

And now, I’m alone

I’m winter’s own

 

– Another poem. This one is a little late; I’ve been super sick. Think bronchial infection mixed with ear infection mixed with the flu from last week. So while I meant to post this right after the quote, I, unfortunately, could barley muster the energy to go to school, and then to volleyball practice, where I could barley move. Excuses, I know. Oops.

Anyways, this poem. A little different, and I’m not quite sure where in the world it came from. I’m thinking is stems from my and my best friend’s talk about guys, love, summer, winter, fall. And it all kinda fell into my head in the format you see above. 

How many movies in one’s lifetime, how many books, do we read and see about summer romances? Grease, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Dear John, The Last Song, etc. But sometimes we don’t get to see what happens after the happy couple finally get together. What do they do? What happens if they break up? What happens if it doesn’t work out? Then what? That’s kind of how I read this poem, and kind of the story behind it. A young girl has a summer romance, that ends when the leaves begin to fall. But she really did like him, and now, she’s alone again in her home, that reflects, in  way, how her heart is – dark, and in need of a reno, so to speak.

One thing to note on this one, is that the girl in the poem is not me. I had a quick summer fling a year ago, when I was out of town, but it barley lasted long enough to get it off the ground, and I can hardly count it as a relationship. In fact, I was the one who broke it off fairly quickly. But that also make me think; was I too quick, too harsh? Was I only afraid to give it a chance? Is that why I’m afraid that I’ll be the one alone while all my friends get married? Then I remember, that I’m not the only person who wonders if they are going to be ‘forever alone’. Everybody is afraid, to some extent, that they will never find ‘the one’, or find somebody who loves them, flaws and all. It’s just harder when you feel like you are alone in feeling that way.

So, I’m waiting for love, and hoping, in a secret way, that I’ll find a summer romance…and be able to keep it longer than the summer heat. Because when that fades, there’s nothing left but cold. And I want someone to be there through the cold. Trivial, in it’s own way, but true.

The Angel That Fell

A long time ago

When humans bowed low

To the gods who lived in clouds

There was power and might

And angels bright

To serve the human crowds

.

Up way in heaven

She was one of the seven

Of dazzling angels there

Righteous and true

Golden in hue

Flawless and always fair

.

Then came a snake

With a plan to break

A hole between angel and gods

Shaped as a man

He invented a plan

Dark and full of fraud

.

To the heavens he came

A picture of shame

For all his previous sin

He fell to his knees

And begged the gods, please

To speak to their angel kin

.

Reluctant they were

To let him see her

Their pride, their angel fair

But just gods they were

Through they tried to defer

The meeting of the pair

.

Eventually they met

The fair and the threat

A meeting the gods couldn’t plan

He whispered sweet lies

Beginning the demise

Of pure angel and man

.

Worried, the gods warned her

Of trouble to occur

If they met again

“He’s sly and a snake,

Your wings he will break

Without a single ‘amen’”

.

She listened, demure

An angel, so pure

To their anxious pleas

But when the man came

And whispered her name

Their words vanished with ease

.

They met then in quiet

Their murmurs of riot

As the two fell in love

He tempted and taunted

Alive, and undaunted

To have secret love from above

.

He was so strong and all man

Something she couldn’t plan

And neither could the gods

Her halo grew dimmer

And so did her shimmer

Soon it attracted the gods

.

They questioned and doubted

And the good angels shouted

For her to lose her wings

“She’s been meeting the rebel

It’s time that she fell

From the heavens of kings”

.

The gods asked her why

Their hearts all a-cry

For their angel pure

She answered with “love”

Stronger than what’s above

.

And the gods declared their poor angel impure

They then struck her down

And broke her crown

And she lost her silver wings

She fell from her heaven

No longer one of the seven

Graced with silvery wings

.

And on earth the snake smiled

As the plan he compiled

Began to truly take form

Some angels cried

And some gods died

As the heavens became deformed

.

For without their seven

Up there in heaven

The devil’s plan did root

Six angels remained

And the gods were restrained

By the snake and his evil fruit

.

The gods were unable

To do good or enable

Their people down below

Slowly the heavens were dimmed

By the ones who sinned

As their rule began to grow

.

Her heart was then broken

By the words they had spoken

From both the gods and her love

She died deep inside

Alone, she did cry

Gone, and disposed of

.

But down here on earth

The angel gave birth

To a child of not one but two worlds

Half of him sure

The other impure

The battle would yet be unfurled

.

Through eighteen dark years

And the angel’s glad tears

The angel’s son was raised

Who learned about light

And learned how to fight

The devil and snake being praised

.

Soon the son confronted

The devil and snake affronted

About their darkened days

He challenged their rule

Claiming them to be malevolent and cruel

And evil in their ways

.

Enraged the snake struck

The heavens amok

As the two battled for truth

Unknowing the other

Both knew the mother

One as  lover, one as  youth

.

The heavy battle, it raged

And went on for days

Until the snake knocked down

His son, the young warrior

His son, the young courier

The son he could have crowned

.

And with his falling cry

The gods watched him die

And finally, they understood

The son of an angel

A fallen archangel

Who had been pure and good

.

They broke free of their chains

Took hold of the reins

That had held them back

They battled the devil

And finally, disheveled,

The heavens, they finally took back

.

But down on earth, all alone

The ex-angel had sewn

As she waited for the news

She prayed for her son

And what he had done

And what she had left to lose

.

The gods soon arrived

Their dark hearts revived

As they savored good and glory

But soon they were cheerless

As they saw their ex-angel, tearless

Her heart sore and sorry

.

She claimed she had known

After the seed had been sown

What evil had begun

When they cast her from heaven

From one of the seven

She knew, but she was shun

.

So she raised her poor son

To treat the evil begun

From the day that he was born

She taught him in light

And never to spite

And knew, one day, she would mourn

.

The gods begged her pardon

Right there in her garden

Wondering at her knowledge to give

They gave back her wings

And helped her to sing

And let their angel live

.

So both her and the boy

Her beautiful boy

Became heroes, up above

They praised her morality

Her poor son’s finality

The sacrifice made for love

.

But she always did wonder

If she did a blunder

By letting her gorgeous boy go

By letting him fight

To do what was right

But to that, she’d never know

.

So today they sing to her

And praise everything about her

Her silver wings, her halo crown, her sacrifice that day

Her place in the heavens

Among the sevens

And how she once went astray

.

I’m not going to say a whole lot on this one. One, because I’m sure if you got to the bottom of this and read the entire thing, you don’t want to read a whole lot more. Secondly, I’m sick. Which accounts for both the length and the obvious strangeness of this piece. Thirdly, pictures are worth a thousand words, so here is what inspired me to write this…and, yes, I was the photographer, the photoshop-er, and the ‘model’ in this piece. Hope you enjoyed this extremely long poem. It’s the second longest I’ve written to date. 🙂 Any feedback on this one is greatly appreciated, as it is on any of my poetry here!

 

For You

You brought back my passion

You brought back my shine

Reminded me what was missing

And showed me what was mine

;

You told me I could fly again

You told me just to try

Reminded me to go for broke

And helped me touch the sky

;

A twist of fate, a grain of sand

A heart beat, the time to stand

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

You helped me to love again

You helped me see the light

Reminded me to fight for love

And always do what’s right

;

You let me stand once more

You let me try again

Reminded me of passion

And taught me how to fight

;

A magic word, the march of time

A small smile, the sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the tears I’ve been drowning in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

It was one hell of a fight

Through the dark of night

To find a place for me to stand

And to finally breathe, to dream

;

I can only thank you

For what you’ve done for me

You gave me hope, you gave me strength

And let me love again

;

A twist of fate, the march of time

A small smile, time to stand

Time to stand

;

A magic word, a grain of sand

A heart beat, a sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

Who I used to be

;

;

Last year, I went through a hell of a time on the volleyball court. It was one of – if not the worst – years I have ever endured. Most people can tell you what a bad year for volleyball is like. It usually involves catty girls, a bad coach, and/or bad rankings throughout the season. It can cause enough tension for girls to quit, and for wildfire gossip to spread, and other teams to take advantage of the fact that none of your teammates get along.

First off, I had been with these girls for almost three years, never part of the inner circle for a couple of reasons – I wasn’t a huge party girl, didn’t have a boyfriend, wasn’t a starter, and was quieter than them. Right off the bat of that season, I was struggling for where I even belonged on this team – though, I had been told by the coach I had been with for four years that I was his last pick – on a team of fourteen. Usually volleyball teams are twelve at most. Right away, you might be able to see some issues. Not a starter, which also meant I never really had the chance to prove to the girls or the coach that I could do well enough to become a starter.

This team was also a team of inflated ego’s. I suffered under this because if I didn’t do something perfectly, then I was balled out by the girls. They whispered about me, talked about me, said rude things to me that I could hardly repeat. But I never broke. I bent, but never broke.

Then I pretty much destroyed my ankle; four snapped ligaments, a muscle tear, a sprain, nerve damage, and a chipped bone. All from my ankle going over itself three times. The drill stopped when somebody noticed I was facedown on the court, and not getting up. The girls thought I was faking it when I didn’t cry. Got mad at me the next day for showing up on crutches and couldn’t do anything. One girl’s exact words were ‘why would you bother coming if you can’t even do anything?’. I was out for three months and the only thing that helped me hang on was coaching U14 girls in the same club – something that I had been doing the entire season. I was able to keep touches on the ball the entire time I was injured.

When I did get back, I had lost quite a bit of skill in back row. I was told multiple times by the libero to get the f off the court when I missed something. Got rolled eyes. I hated this team, hated practice, and it was all I could do to keep going.

In the end, I played five sets the entire season.

So during the summer I agonized about going back. Once or twice I proclaimed to my parents I wasn’t doing it anymore. I lost my passion for the sport I had played since I was twelve.

Then a new coach called. Watched one of my school games. Told me to come to tryouts. And I made it onto a team of eleven, all who were ready to just play. And they’re all awesome girls, awesome players, awesome people. My friends watched me smile when I talked about volleyball, rather than rant.

The hardest part of it all was meeting with my old coach, who had coached me for four years. We had a very long discussion, and I managed to tell him about the absolute crap experience I had had. Because it was not necessarily him who was the reason I had suffered. I wasn’t sure about that decision, but now I’m on this amazing team with amazing potential. And I love it.

I saw the old team this weekend. They got to watch me laugh with the new team, have fun, and come out of the shell I had been stuck in for years with them. My old coach talked for a while to me, and gave me and my parents a hug, saying he missed us. And I delighted in it, because he had finally realized what he had – and now it was gone, on a team where she could stand up tall.

The best part was, I played ten sets in the tournament – and kicked ass. Because this team has confidence in me, and I in them. We believe in each other, which is so much more than I could have said last year.

So this poem is for them, Canuck. Thank you for my wings again.

Unfairy Tale

There was a place

Once upon a time

Where there existed

You and me

A time of fairy tales

And make believe

Where there was only

You and me

Singing in the sunlight

Dancing in the rain

Singing our own love song

About you and me

Hiding in the forest

Playing in the trees

Our own hideaway

Just for you and me

Living our own fairy tale

Of make believe and gardens green

Hiding in a living dreams

Just for you and me

.

There was a place

There was a time

When you were mine

When there was only you and me

But we watched the castle crack

As winter witches swooped in

And took siege to your heart

No room for you and me

They cackled as they watched

As I cried and pleaded

Told you I needed

All of you and me

And I almost saved you

From their eager lies

I could see it in your eyes

It was only you and me

Until they brought out their fair prize

Beauty with sapphire eyes

And I lost us

Lost all of you and me

.

There was a place

There was a time

Where there existed

You and me

But beauty prevailed

With the witches cold

And nothing became

Of you and me

I watched you walk away

I watched you disappear

Leaving behind the summer tale

Of only you and me

So I was left in the castle

Watched it take on weeds

As I lived on the disease

That was you and me

I watched the castle crumble

Watched the forest fall

Waiting for your return

With love for you and me

.

So, a little bit dark, a little bit shady, a little bit poetic. I have no idea what even inspired me to write this poem. I found myself at school opening up Word, and typing in the first four lines:”There was a place/Once upon a time/Where there existed/You and me.” And I wondered, once upon a time? Really? What can you write about princess and witches and princes without sounding too Disney. And, ahah! Heart-break. Perfect.

I still find myself reading way too much into this poem, though. Did the prince come back? Did she wait until the castle around her completely crumbled before she gave up? Did she give up? Or did the prince finally come back after meeting with his blond-haired, blue eyed princess and apologize for leaving his fair lady waiting? Were they still young? Or were they both white haired and old? Did they still love each other?

The thing is I don’t want to write it. Secretly, I think I know what happened. Secretly, I know the ending. But I won’t let you know. You read into this, and you find the ending that suits what you think happened.