The Music In My Bones

It’s the twirling and the twisting

And the spin, the dip, the whirl

The flying of my feet

And the beauty in the beat

.

It’s the music in my bones

And pounding in my chest

The laughter from my lips

And swinging in my hips

.

It’s the smoothness of the steps

The feeling of the frolic

It’s the hand upon my waist

And the smile upon your face

.

It’s the very need to dance

The knowledge of the steps

It’s being unrestrained

Exhilaration that’s unfeigned

.

It’s the sweat that’s in the movement

And the feel of hand in hand

It’s the flight, the fight, the fall

The splendor of it all

.

It’s the rush of being held

The rush of my own feet

It’s the beauty in the action

The following chain reaction

.

It’s the tune that’s in my soul

And the steps that match

It’s the very dance that embraces

And the whirl of all the faces

.

It’s the twirling and the twisting

And the spin, the dip, the whirl

The flying of my feet

And the beauty in the beat

 

Many of my closest friends know that I have a thing for guys who can two step. I love it. For somebody to be able to grab you, go through the motions, dip and spin you around till you’re dizzy, for me, it is so much fun. What more do you want that a guy who can dance? I mean, half the time I’m busy singing the country music we’re dancing to, and then laughing when they can spin me around, and around and around. I love it.

I bring this up because over the past couple weeks, I’ve been able to get out and dance – and not the clubbing type ‘dance’ either. True, down to earth, spin, dance dip, two stepping. There’s something about it that just drives me crazy in the best of ways.

I mean, I had so much fun a couple weekends ago at a uni party. A country song came on, and so me and this guy two stepped. When it turned into top 40 again, and people began grinding instead of true dancing, he only smiled, and asked if I waned to to two step again. “To this?” I asked. “It’s top 40!” He only laughed and said “We’ll make it country.” And sure enough, to the surprise and astounded looks, we two stepped. And it was great.

So that’s what that is about. Hope you all get to have a little fun this weekend, and get that freedom and fun that comes with the feeling of the dance.

Starlight

Into the stars, shall I run

No longer a thought for the sun

The starlight is soft, the starlight is easy

And it kisses my shoulders

Leaving me dizzy

 .

Across the skies, shall I race

The night sky’s heaven, is my grace

The starlight forgives, the starlight forgets

It knows who I am

And knows no regrets

 .

Far from the moon, shall I fly

With the hope I’ll never die

The starlight is gentle, the starlight is tame

For on my shoulders

Is nothing like blame

.

Beyond my dreams, shall I chase

Stars as a net, just in case

The starlight is bracing, the starlight is steady

So far shall I sail

Never unsteady

 .

Unto my schemes, shall I soar

Dreams as loud as lion’s roar

The starlight is beauty, the starlight is strong

It knows my own life

It knows my own song

.

Until the stars die, shall I dash

Until my world is naught but ash

The starlight is heaven, the starlight is hell

I burn and I yearn

To be under it’s spell

.

Have you ever had a time, when you found a perfect moment? Where you could barley breathe in the awe and the beauty of it? Where you felt infinite? Where you felt strong?


They’re rare, for sure. But when you experience them, it just feels like nothing else in this world.

I’ve had the fortune to have a few of these moments. The one that this particular poem is modeled after is when there were a bunch of us, sitting around the fire, looking at the clearest patch of night sky I have ever seen in my life. Billions upon billions of stars, just scattered across the sky, twinkling and dancing. It was a moment that seared into my mind.

Not only, in that moment, did it feel crazy, and amazing, but it also made me realize that there are millions of reasons that I could – or couldn’t – be here. And to look into that night sky, it was like looking into something inexplicable. And I loved it.

For One More Night

 Set me free

For one more night

Where I can taste

The bliss of flight

 .

And feel my wings

Upon my back

Before I have to

Give them back

 .

Before I return

Unto the night

A life of slumber

Without sight

 .

To wait within

My gilded cage

To live forever

And never age

 .

To live in heartache

In freedom’s want

The cage of gold

I’ll forever haunt

 .

So tonight I’ll fly

And soar and hope

That I’ll learn

Of how to cope

 .

And while I fly

I’ll remember this

The taste of heaven

And starlight’s kiss

 .

So set me free

For one more night

Where I can taste

The bliss of flight

.

I don’t know where this poem came from. I don’t know why it speaks to me, when I’m the one who wrote it. And I certainly don’t know why I felt sad when I wrote it.

It’s funny, how, sometimes, the words just appear on the page for what seems like no reason. Like your just a tool for your own imagination. It’s a weird feeling.

Perhaps I’ll just sit down to write freely more often…

Fly, Fly, Firefly

Fly, fly, you fireflies

Wrapped in your star disguise

As you flicker and glow

As wishes we throw

As kisses we blow

Fly, fly, you fireflies

 .

Fly, fly, you fireflies

Dance in your rush

A twinkling hush

Get me to whisper and blush

In a night so lush

Fly, fly, you fireflies

 .

Fly, fly, you fireflies

Light the sparkles in my eyes

Light the flame

Start the game

Whisper my name

Fly, fly you fireflies

 .

Fly, fly, you fireflies

This heated night

Take your flight

This place alight

A glittering kite

Fly, fly, you fireflies

 .

Fly, fly, you fireflies

In your star-lit disguise

Give me a final kiss

With nothing amiss

Leave me in bliss

Fly, fly, you fireflies

.

Do you ever have those moments that you forever remember? Like they’ve been etched into your head and your memory for forevermore, and just a word can bring back a time, a moment, that you can recall with such vividness that it hardly seems a memory?

I remember the first time I saw a firefly. Because, here in Alberta, they’re rare to see, especially cooped up in the city. We were on the beach in Manitoba, the beach fire blazing, the stars in the sky glowing, and the water lapping at the beach. It was a calm moment, coupled with laughter and smiles from the family. Then the fireflies came out…

And we chased them and danced and sang, running up and down the beach like madmen, but in such utter joy that I’m sure we could have lit a room. And when we calmed down, we sat on the logs ’round the fire, and tried to count them, mixing up stars with fireflies.  Listening to the crackle of the flames, the smell of the beach, the white sand, the glow. 

It’s a moment that I will forever remember. It’s a memory that I can’t forget. And I love that. At the same time, I also wish I could be that carefree again. To live out this summer like that night where we chased a million fireflies, and danced like nobody was watching. I want to make sure that this summer is one I remember. Where it becomes one of those memories. And I can’t wait.

Odd Place To See

What an odd place to be

Where suddenly I see

A place for you

A place for me

With the trees holding up the sky

Where we will never die

.

While you spin me in circles

A place of miracles

Like the sun that sets the fire

And burns its own desire

As it sinks into the night

Where everything is right

.

And we are young

And the summer has begun

Let the shadows play

Until another day

Where an odd place to be

Holds only you and me

.

Yes, it’s an odd place to be

With only you and me

This prairie daze

The twilight haze

Of a lovers field of dreams

Where we can plant our schemes

.

And watch them grow in stars

No matter where we are

As they sparkle

As they shine

As you whisper, as we twine

In this grassy place

.

And we are young

And the summer has begun

Let the shadows play

Until another day

Where an odd place to be

Holds only you and me

.

And I want the fire

I want desire

I want everything that comes with you

Here on this prairie blue

So give me your love now

And help to show me how

.

While we are young

And the summer has begun

Let the shadows play

Until another day

Where an odd place to be

Holds only you and me

.

Give me another kiss

Where it’s never felt like this

Let the stars dance

Let the moon prance

And I’ll see them in your eyes

A silver blue surprise

.

You are my perfect night

In my illuminated sight

Give me more, give me you

And don’t stop until we’re through

It’s a summer night

Where everything is finally right

.

We are young

And the summer has begun

Let the shadows play

Until another day

Where an odd place to be

Holds only you and me

So today was the last day of High School. The last day I’ll ever walk in to go to work. To do science labs. To wander the halls aimlessly. It’s a weird feeling, and doesn’t feelquite real. I also think that that is due to the fact that diploms are on their way, and we haven’t walked the stage yet. I mean, it’s still grey and rainy here, so how can summer and high school be over? Especially when I have all this studying to do? It’s weird.

However, this poem is to celebrate this day, and the summer that is right on our doorsteps. And I can’t wait for the adventures that it will bring. 🙂

For You

You brought back my passion

You brought back my shine

Reminded me what was missing

And showed me what was mine

;

You told me I could fly again

You told me just to try

Reminded me to go for broke

And helped me touch the sky

;

A twist of fate, a grain of sand

A heart beat, the time to stand

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

You helped me to love again

You helped me see the light

Reminded me to fight for love

And always do what’s right

;

You let me stand once more

You let me try again

Reminded me of passion

And taught me how to fight

;

A magic word, the march of time

A small smile, the sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the tears I’ve been drowning in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

It was one hell of a fight

Through the dark of night

To find a place for me to stand

And to finally breathe, to dream

;

I can only thank you

For what you’ve done for me

You gave me hope, you gave me strength

And let me love again

;

A twist of fate, the march of time

A small smile, time to stand

Time to stand

;

A magic word, a grain of sand

A heart beat, a sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

Who I used to be

;

;

Last year, I went through a hell of a time on the volleyball court. It was one of – if not the worst – years I have ever endured. Most people can tell you what a bad year for volleyball is like. It usually involves catty girls, a bad coach, and/or bad rankings throughout the season. It can cause enough tension for girls to quit, and for wildfire gossip to spread, and other teams to take advantage of the fact that none of your teammates get along.

First off, I had been with these girls for almost three years, never part of the inner circle for a couple of reasons – I wasn’t a huge party girl, didn’t have a boyfriend, wasn’t a starter, and was quieter than them. Right off the bat of that season, I was struggling for where I even belonged on this team – though, I had been told by the coach I had been with for four years that I was his last pick – on a team of fourteen. Usually volleyball teams are twelve at most. Right away, you might be able to see some issues. Not a starter, which also meant I never really had the chance to prove to the girls or the coach that I could do well enough to become a starter.

This team was also a team of inflated ego’s. I suffered under this because if I didn’t do something perfectly, then I was balled out by the girls. They whispered about me, talked about me, said rude things to me that I could hardly repeat. But I never broke. I bent, but never broke.

Then I pretty much destroyed my ankle; four snapped ligaments, a muscle tear, a sprain, nerve damage, and a chipped bone. All from my ankle going over itself three times. The drill stopped when somebody noticed I was facedown on the court, and not getting up. The girls thought I was faking it when I didn’t cry. Got mad at me the next day for showing up on crutches and couldn’t do anything. One girl’s exact words were ‘why would you bother coming if you can’t even do anything?’. I was out for three months and the only thing that helped me hang on was coaching U14 girls in the same club – something that I had been doing the entire season. I was able to keep touches on the ball the entire time I was injured.

When I did get back, I had lost quite a bit of skill in back row. I was told multiple times by the libero to get the f off the court when I missed something. Got rolled eyes. I hated this team, hated practice, and it was all I could do to keep going.

In the end, I played five sets the entire season.

So during the summer I agonized about going back. Once or twice I proclaimed to my parents I wasn’t doing it anymore. I lost my passion for the sport I had played since I was twelve.

Then a new coach called. Watched one of my school games. Told me to come to tryouts. And I made it onto a team of eleven, all who were ready to just play. And they’re all awesome girls, awesome players, awesome people. My friends watched me smile when I talked about volleyball, rather than rant.

The hardest part of it all was meeting with my old coach, who had coached me for four years. We had a very long discussion, and I managed to tell him about the absolute crap experience I had had. Because it was not necessarily him who was the reason I had suffered. I wasn’t sure about that decision, but now I’m on this amazing team with amazing potential. And I love it.

I saw the old team this weekend. They got to watch me laugh with the new team, have fun, and come out of the shell I had been stuck in for years with them. My old coach talked for a while to me, and gave me and my parents a hug, saying he missed us. And I delighted in it, because he had finally realized what he had – and now it was gone, on a team where she could stand up tall.

The best part was, I played ten sets in the tournament – and kicked ass. Because this team has confidence in me, and I in them. We believe in each other, which is so much more than I could have said last year.

So this poem is for them, Canuck. Thank you for my wings again.

Fly, Fly, Fly

When the urge to fly away

Carries me far

To another day

 

On fairy wings I fly away

On sunset shadows

Of ending day

 

On the sun’s coattails I fly away

Sinking flame

Of shining stars

 

Through the night I fly away

Sliver stars

And slippery shadows

 

When the urge to come back down

Carries me home

To another day.

 

We’ve all had those moments, I suppose, when we wish we could just fly. When we could just jump, and escape from the day, from all our troubles. It’s not always easy to be the people who we are. And the days that we want to fly, we realize that we can…in our minds.