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For You

You brought back my passion

You brought back my shine

Reminded me what was missing

And showed me what was mine

;

You told me I could fly again

You told me just to try

Reminded me to go for broke

And helped me touch the sky

;

A twist of fate, a grain of sand

A heart beat, the time to stand

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

You helped me to love again

You helped me see the light

Reminded me to fight for love

And always do what’s right

;

You let me stand once more

You let me try again

Reminded me of passion

And taught me how to fight

;

A magic word, the march of time

A small smile, the sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the tears I’ve been drowning in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

It was one hell of a fight

Through the dark of night

To find a place for me to stand

And to finally breathe, to dream

;

I can only thank you

For what you’ve done for me

You gave me hope, you gave me strength

And let me love again

;

A twist of fate, the march of time

A small smile, time to stand

Time to stand

;

A magic word, a grain of sand

A heart beat, a sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

Who I used to be

;

;

Last year, I went through a hell of a time on the volleyball court. It was one of – if not the worst – years I have ever endured. Most people can tell you what a bad year for volleyball is like. It usually involves catty girls, a bad coach, and/or bad rankings throughout the season. It can cause enough tension for girls to quit, and for wildfire gossip to spread, and other teams to take advantage of the fact that none of your teammates get along.

First off, I had been with these girls for almost three years, never part of the inner circle for a couple of reasons – I wasn’t a huge party girl, didn’t have a boyfriend, wasn’t a starter, and was quieter than them. Right off the bat of that season, I was struggling for where I even belonged on this team – though, I had been told by the coach I had been with for four years that I was his last pick – on a team of fourteen. Usually volleyball teams are twelve at most. Right away, you might be able to see some issues. Not a starter, which also meant I never really had the chance to prove to the girls or the coach that I could do well enough to become a starter.

This team was also a team of inflated ego’s. I suffered under this because if I didn’t do something perfectly, then I was balled out by the girls. They whispered about me, talked about me, said rude things to me that I could hardly repeat. But I never broke. I bent, but never broke.

Then I pretty much destroyed my ankle; four snapped ligaments, a muscle tear, a sprain, nerve damage, and a chipped bone. All from my ankle going over itself three times. The drill stopped when somebody noticed I was facedown on the court, and not getting up. The girls thought I was faking it when I didn’t cry. Got mad at me the next day for showing up on crutches and couldn’t do anything. One girl’s exact words were ‘why would you bother coming if you can’t even do anything?’. I was out for three months and the only thing that helped me hang on was coaching U14 girls in the same club – something that I had been doing the entire season. I was able to keep touches on the ball the entire time I was injured.

When I did get back, I had lost quite a bit of skill in back row. I was told multiple times by the libero to get the f off the court when I missed something. Got rolled eyes. I hated this team, hated practice, and it was all I could do to keep going.

In the end, I played five sets the entire season.

So during the summer I agonized about going back. Once or twice I proclaimed to my parents I wasn’t doing it anymore. I lost my passion for the sport I had played since I was twelve.

Then a new coach called. Watched one of my school games. Told me to come to tryouts. And I made it onto a team of eleven, all who were ready to just play. And they’re all awesome girls, awesome players, awesome people. My friends watched me smile when I talked about volleyball, rather than rant.

The hardest part of it all was meeting with my old coach, who had coached me for four years. We had a very long discussion, and I managed to tell him about the absolute crap experience I had had. Because it was not necessarily him who was the reason I had suffered. I wasn’t sure about that decision, but now I’m on this amazing team with amazing potential. And I love it.

I saw the old team this weekend. They got to watch me laugh with the new team, have fun, and come out of the shell I had been stuck in for years with them. My old coach talked for a while to me, and gave me and my parents a hug, saying he missed us. And I delighted in it, because he had finally realized what he had – and now it was gone, on a team where she could stand up tall.

The best part was, I played ten sets in the tournament – and kicked ass. Because this team has confidence in me, and I in them. We believe in each other, which is so much more than I could have said last year.

So this poem is for them, Canuck. Thank you for my wings again.

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About Michelle

I read, write, sing, hunt rabid giraffes, play volleyball, and play guitar. I love my big Alberta skies, wheat fields, and camping trips in the summer. I love to travel. I'm secretly a nerd. (Read as, I watch musicals, read Harry Potter too often, and can quote most of the movies I watch.) I love to be out in the country, riding quads and bikes, and just getting away from the city. I love the friends that I have and I try to be as loyal as I can. I've been writing since I was little, and I love to do so. It's a passion of mine that I hold close to my heart, and I love to use it to express the way I feel, or freeze a moment, or a feeling, in the time that it occurred. I also lied about giraffe hunting. I usually only hunt mosquitoes.

8 responses to “For You

  1. Kate ⋅

    Wow. A lovely poem with a great story attached to it. Good for you to not give up.

    • Michelle

      Thanks. It was a journey that I would rather not repeat, but in the end was worth it: I found how far I could bend before I broke, and what was worth what. And, to fight for what you love. I have multiple posters that I’ve put up in my room saying that. It’s my mantra, and I live by it, because it’s the best you can do. Find something you love, and fight for it.

  2. It’s wonderful when things eventually work out. So glad they did for you!

    • Michelle

      So am I.I cannot express how much this team means to me, and what they have done for me. I have found a new confidence and a new love for this sport, and it makes me so happy to know I can enjoy it once more.
      One of the best parts of seeing the other team was to laugh with them, giggle with them, and look over and see the old team staring, and then looking away when they saw that I saw them looking. And I didn’t care if they said anything. Because I`m happy now, and that`s all that matters. 🙂

      • As I was reading your reply and thinking about the situation, it also occurred to me that this experience where it DID work out can be used throughout your life when you’re in the midst of a bad situation or when some situation does NOT work out right. It means you were tough enough to get through a long seige of a horrible experience, come out of it, and have a wonderful time after that. It means that it was not YOU, but them. Hope things continue to go extremely well, but if another tough time comes along, you know you have the strength to persevere.

        • Michelle

          That is for sure, and I find that I understand that better. I know myself better. I know how far I can go before I can’t take it anymore, and people are impressed that I never gave up. It gives me more motivation to make things work, and I love that. My motto the entire time was ‘fight for what you love’, and I have it written everywhere; post it notes, little posters I made, my hand after a bad day. So, I can only hope I don’t have to re-live the experience, but if I do, I can certainly push through and come out of it with a better view of myself and the situation.

      • Gena ⋅

        Wow. Glad that things ended up well, and I hope that it continues that way.

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