I Still Remember

When we were young

And the summer had begun

I still remember

I still remember

The way the breeze

Flew through the trees

As we ran wild through the long grass

Under a blue sky

Where we would never die

 

Where the sun shone

And we were in the unknown

I still remember

I still remember

The place where we

Carved names on a tree

And lay beneath it’s whispering leaves

Sitting together

Your touch like a feather

 

When we were living on dreams

And planting bold schemes

I still remember

I still remember

The lightning in your eyes

As you took my heart as a prize

With your kisses like a whispers

Planning forever

The future endeavour

 

When the sun started to set

And our eyes had met

I still remember

I still remember

The fire cast by the dying sun

The night yet to begun

And we watched the flames cast a spell on us

Your hand twined in mine

As one on cloud nine

 

When the stars were like fireflies

Reflected in your eyes

I still remember

I still remember

The taste of blush wine

As you told me ‘be mine’

And we saw our forevers

A white dress and piano song

Right where we would belong

 

And at the end of the night

Everything was right

I still remember

I still remember

The taste of pure bliss

That came with every kiss

And we slept under the stars, under that tree

My head on your chest

Where I knew I was blessed

 

And when we woke in the morning

The sun without warning

I still remember

I still remember

Blinking in the golden light

Where everything felt right

And going back home together

You were mine, no need to disguise

The light in your eyes

 

And we were together

Until that letter

I still remember

I still remember

Sitting by the kitchen table

Where I was unable

To cry, to beg, to move an inch

And you held me tight

All through the night

 

And you had to go

To fight a foe

I still remember

I still remember

The uniform, the boots, the gear

Where I cried tear after tear

When I let you get on that train

And watched my husband go

To fight that foe

 

And I tried to keep strong

Though nothing felt so wrong

I still remember

I still remember

Trying to go through the motions

Fighting the tide of emotions

Knowing what you were doing was right

But wanting you home

Away from the unknown

 

But I know why you’re gone

And I know that you’re strong

I still remember

I still remember

You said you fight for your brothers

And what you want to do for others

Knowing you’re right

And knowing someday, you’ll come home

 

So I pray and hope

As the world is crumbling down

That we’ll be together

That we’ll be together

Because it’s the hope in my soul

That you’ll achieve your goal

And get on the train home,We

To the summer sun, and me.

I had a few poems to choose from this week, and I had trouble deciding what one I wanted to share. They all ran along a similar thread: “The world may be broken, but hope is not crazy” , a quote by John Green. So I had three totally different poems written and waiting to go up. One was this one, one was an awfully sad, slightly macabre (think a Oradour-Sur-Glane tragedy), and one was very birds and bees and flowers and ‘don’t ever give up!’. How I decided on this one, I’m not sure, but here we are.

Interestingly enough, both this one and the other, sadder, poem, had a similar idea in that a soldier leaves his girlfriend/wife/fiancee, and they wait for them to return. The difference is the ending. This one has a happier, more optimistic ending, while the other one is a very dark, very distressing ending. Perhaps I’ll put it up next week…We’ll see. It might be a wee bit too dark for the internet realm, though heaven knows what we find on the internet is not always glitter and kittens and love stories.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one. It’s a mix of my usual and a bit of something different. And, if you couldn’t tell by the content of the lastI want summer to come, even though it brings the unknown; summer jobs and university acceptance letters, moving and all that. But I kind of look forward to that adventure…

Crazy Weekend!!!

Okay, so today has been absolutely crazy, and while it’s not strictly poetry related, I thought I would share the news with all of you…

The Good News
I’m feeling waaaay better. And when I say way better, I mean I’m not at as big of risk for pneumonia anymore, and I actually feel alive.

The Better News
I got a letter in the mail from the World Poetry Movement saying that the poem I submitted (Storm, Fire, Ice) is a semi-finalist in the International World Open Poetry Contest. And that’s not all. It’s going to be published!!! Whaaaat!?!

The Best News
My team and I (For You) were in Edmonton this weekend for our AVA tournament. Not only did we play my old team and beat them once, we ended up playing them again today and we won! And we also stayed in div one, knocking them out to div two. So we’re ninth in the province! Bo-yah!

So that’s that. I’m not a gloater, in any means, but honestly, this weekend was one of the better ones I’ve had in a long time, and it felt so good to know that the team that had beat me down, and the coach that said the team I was on wouldn’t make it beat them, not once, but twice, and while missing five players due to sickness/travel is awesome. It’s a high that makes me love this sport. Not necessarily winning, but being able to fight for something, know you’ve done well, and feel that explosive energy that comes from winning.

Hope you guys had a good weekend too! Look out for a new poem this week.

Beyond The Wintery Walls

When the wings

Of a black bird sings

A song of wonder

A song of hope

My heart flutters

Looking for wonders

 

Far beyond these kitchen walls

Something brighter calls

It tells of summer

It tells of spring

My eyes widen

And look to hide in

 

The call of the dance

Of summery days

A time of freedom

A time of heat

When I could live

And I could give

 

My heart to another

Someone new

Handsome

And true

When I could dance

And sweet romance

 

With the man of summer’s hue

Sun kissed and smiling

Laughing

Dancing

There we would lie

Under a drunken sky

 

With the wine of summer’s dew

Drunk on sun

Drunk on you

Intoxicated hearts

Like stealing tarts

 

From the window pane

Where I’m the same

Dark kitchen walls

Dark peeling halls

Summer’s gone

It’s winter’s dawn

 

And love is gone

Where it once shone

Like summery sun

Like flowers sprung

And now, I’m alone

I’m winter’s own

 

- Another poem. This one is a little late; I’ve been super sick. Think bronchial infection mixed with ear infection mixed with the flu from last week. So while I meant to post this right after the quote, I, unfortunately, could barley muster the energy to go to school, and then to volleyball practice, where I could barley move. Excuses, I know. Oops.

Anyways, this poem. A little different, and I’m not quite sure where in the world it came from. I’m thinking is stems from my and my best friend’s talk about guys, love, summer, winter, fall. And it all kinda fell into my head in the format you see above. 

How many movies in one’s lifetime, how many books, do we read and see about summer romances? Grease, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Dear John, The Last Song, etc. But sometimes we don’t get to see what happens after the happy couple finally get together. What do they do? What happens if they break up? What happens if it doesn’t work out? Then what? That’s kind of how I read this poem, and kind of the story behind it. A young girl has a summer romance, that ends when the leaves begin to fall. But she really did like him, and now, she’s alone again in her home, that reflects, in  way, how her heart is – dark, and in need of a reno, so to speak.

One thing to note on this one, is that the girl in the poem is not me. I had a quick summer fling a year ago, when I was out of town, but it barley lasted long enough to get it off the ground, and I can hardly count it as a relationship. In fact, I was the one who broke it off fairly quickly. But that also make me think; was I too quick, too harsh? Was I only afraid to give it a chance? Is that why I’m afraid that I’ll be the one alone while all my friends get married? Then I remember, that I’m not the only person who wonders if they are going to be ‘forever alone’. Everybody is afraid, to some extent, that they will never find ‘the one’, or find somebody who loves them, flaws and all. It’s just harder when you feel like you are alone in feeling that way.

So, I’m waiting for love, and hoping, in a secret way, that I’ll find a summer romance…and be able to keep it longer than the summer heat. Because when that fades, there’s nothing left but cold. And I want someone to be there through the cold. Trivial, in it’s own way, but true.

The Angel That Fell

A long time ago

When humans bowed low

To the gods who lived in clouds

There was power and might

And angels bright

To serve the human crowds

.

Up way in heaven

She was one of the seven

Of dazzling angels there

Righteous and true

Golden in hue

Flawless and always fair

.

Then came a snake

With a plan to break

A hole between angel and gods

Shaped as a man

He invented a plan

Dark and full of fraud

.

To the heavens he came

A picture of shame

For all his previous sin

He fell to his knees

And begged the gods, please

To speak to their angel kin

.

Reluctant they were

To let him see her

Their pride, their angel fair

But just gods they were

Through they tried to defer

The meeting of the pair

.

Eventually they met

The fair and the threat

A meeting the gods couldn’t plan

He whispered sweet lies

Beginning the demise

Of pure angel and man

.

Worried, the gods warned her

Of trouble to occur

If they met again

“He’s sly and a snake,

Your wings he will break

Without a single ‘amen’”

.

She listened, demure

An angel, so pure

To their anxious pleas

But when the man came

And whispered her name

Their words vanished with ease

.

They met then in quiet

Their murmurs of riot

As the two fell in love

He tempted and taunted

Alive, and undaunted

To have secret love from above

.

He was so strong and all man

Something she couldn’t plan

And neither could the gods

Her halo grew dimmer

And so did her shimmer

Soon it attracted the gods

.

They questioned and doubted

And the good angels shouted

For her to lose her wings

“She’s been meeting the rebel

It’s time that she fell

From the heavens of kings”

.

The gods asked her why

Their hearts all a-cry

For their angel pure

She answered with “love”

Stronger than what’s above

.

And the gods declared their poor angel impure

They then struck her down

And broke her crown

And she lost her silver wings

She fell from her heaven

No longer one of the seven

Graced with silvery wings

.

And on earth the snake smiled

As the plan he compiled

Began to truly take form

Some angels cried

And some gods died

As the heavens became deformed

.

For without their seven

Up there in heaven

The devil’s plan did root

Six angels remained

And the gods were restrained

By the snake and his evil fruit

.

The gods were unable

To do good or enable

Their people down below

Slowly the heavens were dimmed

By the ones who sinned

As their rule began to grow

.

Her heart was then broken

By the words they had spoken

From both the gods and her love

She died deep inside

Alone, she did cry

Gone, and disposed of

.

But down here on earth

The angel gave birth

To a child of not one but two worlds

Half of him sure

The other impure

The battle would yet be unfurled

.

Through eighteen dark years

And the angel’s glad tears

The angel’s son was raised

Who learned about light

And learned how to fight

The devil and snake being praised

.

Soon the son confronted

The devil and snake affronted

About their darkened days

He challenged their rule

Claiming them to be malevolent and cruel

And evil in their ways

.

Enraged the snake struck

The heavens amok

As the two battled for truth

Unknowing the other

Both knew the mother

One as  lover, one as  youth

.

The heavy battle, it raged

And went on for days

Until the snake knocked down

His son, the young warrior

His son, the young courier

The son he could have crowned

.

And with his falling cry

The gods watched him die

And finally, they understood

The son of an angel

A fallen archangel

Who had been pure and good

.

They broke free of their chains

Took hold of the reins

That had held them back

They battled the devil

And finally, disheveled,

The heavens, they finally took back

.

But down on earth, all alone

The ex-angel had sewn

As she waited for the news

She prayed for her son

And what he had done

And what she had left to lose

.

The gods soon arrived

Their dark hearts revived

As they savored good and glory

But soon they were cheerless

As they saw their ex-angel, tearless

Her heart sore and sorry

.

She claimed she had known

After the seed had been sown

What evil had begun

When they cast her from heaven

From one of the seven

She knew, but she was shun

.

So she raised her poor son

To treat the evil begun

From the day that he was born

She taught him in light

And never to spite

And knew, one day, she would mourn

.

The gods begged her pardon

Right there in her garden

Wondering at her knowledge to give

They gave back her wings

And helped her to sing

And let their angel live

.

So both her and the boy

Her beautiful boy

Became heroes, up above

They praised her morality

Her poor son’s finality

The sacrifice made for love

.

But she always did wonder

If she did a blunder

By letting her gorgeous boy go

By letting him fight

To do what was right

But to that, she’d never know

.

So today they sing to her

And praise everything about her

Her silver wings, her halo crown, her sacrifice that day

Her place in the heavens

Among the sevens

And how she once went astray

.

I’m not going to say a whole lot on this one. One, because I’m sure if you got to the bottom of this and read the entire thing, you don’t want to read a whole lot more. Secondly, I’m sick. Which accounts for both the length and the obvious strangeness of this piece. Thirdly, pictures are worth a thousand words, so here is what inspired me to write this…and, yes, I was the photographer, the photoshop-er, and the ‘model’ in this piece. Hope you enjoyed this extremely long poem. It’s the second longest I’ve written to date. Any feedback on this one is greatly appreciated, as it is on any of my poetry here!

 

Those who fly solo  have the strongest wings.

-Unknown

For You

You brought back my passion

You brought back my shine

Reminded me what was missing

And showed me what was mine

;

You told me I could fly again

You told me just to try

Reminded me to go for broke

And helped me touch the sky

;

A twist of fate, a grain of sand

A heart beat, the time to stand

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

You helped me to love again

You helped me see the light

Reminded me to fight for love

And always do what’s right

;

You let me stand once more

You let me try again

Reminded me of passion

And taught me how to fight

;

A magic word, the march of time

A small smile, the sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the tears I’ve been drowning in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

;

It was one hell of a fight

Through the dark of night

To find a place for me to stand

And to finally breathe, to dream

;

I can only thank you

For what you’ve done for me

You gave me hope, you gave me strength

And let me love again

;

A twist of fate, the march of time

A small smile, time to stand

Time to stand

;

A magic word, a grain of sand

A heart beat, a sudden climb

A ray of hope, a ray of light

A way from the cell I’ve been living in

Because today I’ve broken free

Today I finally see

That I can fly and touch the sky

To find the girl I used to be

Who I used to be

;

;

Last year, I went through a hell of a time on the volleyball court. It was one of – if not the worst – years I have ever endured. Most people can tell you what a bad year for volleyball is like. It usually involves catty girls, a bad coach, and/or bad rankings throughout the season. It can cause enough tension for girls to quit, and for wildfire gossip to spread, and other teams to take advantage of the fact that none of your teammates get along.

First off, I had been with these girls for almost three years, never part of the inner circle for a couple of reasons – I wasn’t a huge party girl, didn’t have a boyfriend, wasn’t a starter, and was quieter than them. Right off the bat of that season, I was struggling for where I even belonged on this team – though, I had been told by the coach I had been with for four years that I was his last pick – on a team of fourteen. Usually volleyball teams are twelve at most. Right away, you might be able to see some issues. Not a starter, which also meant I never really had the chance to prove to the girls or the coach that I could do well enough to become a starter.

This team was also a team of inflated ego’s. I suffered under this because if I didn’t do something perfectly, then I was balled out by the girls. They whispered about me, talked about me, said rude things to me that I could hardly repeat. But I never broke. I bent, but never broke.

Then I pretty much destroyed my ankle; four snapped ligaments, a muscle tear, a sprain, nerve damage, and a chipped bone. All from my ankle going over itself three times. The drill stopped when somebody noticed I was facedown on the court, and not getting up. The girls thought I was faking it when I didn’t cry. Got mad at me the next day for showing up on crutches and couldn’t do anything. One girl’s exact words were ‘why would you bother coming if you can’t even do anything?’. I was out for three months and the only thing that helped me hang on was coaching U14 girls in the same club – something that I had been doing the entire season. I was able to keep touches on the ball the entire time I was injured.

When I did get back, I had lost quite a bit of skill in back row. I was told multiple times by the libero to get the f off the court when I missed something. Got rolled eyes. I hated this team, hated practice, and it was all I could do to keep going.

In the end, I played five sets the entire season.

So during the summer I agonized about going back. Once or twice I proclaimed to my parents I wasn’t doing it anymore. I lost my passion for the sport I had played since I was twelve.

Then a new coach called. Watched one of my school games. Told me to come to tryouts. And I made it onto a team of eleven, all who were ready to just play. And they’re all awesome girls, awesome players, awesome people. My friends watched me smile when I talked about volleyball, rather than rant.

The hardest part of it all was meeting with my old coach, who had coached me for four years. We had a very long discussion, and I managed to tell him about the absolute crap experience I had had. Because it was not necessarily him who was the reason I had suffered. I wasn’t sure about that decision, but now I’m on this amazing team with amazing potential. And I love it.

I saw the old team this weekend. They got to watch me laugh with the new team, have fun, and come out of the shell I had been stuck in for years with them. My old coach talked for a while to me, and gave me and my parents a hug, saying he missed us. And I delighted in it, because he had finally realized what he had – and now it was gone, on a team where she could stand up tall.

The best part was, I played ten sets in the tournament – and kicked ass. Because this team has confidence in me, and I in them. We believe in each other, which is so much more than I could have said last year.

So this poem is for them, Canuck. Thank you for my wings again.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Let’s Dance

There were hanging lights
On a summer night
A setting sun
Casting fiery shadows cross the floor

I was laughing in the corner
When I felt your stare
Turned to meet your eyes
And found myself surprised

I watched you cross the room
Golden in the sun
Parting through the crowd
With a wondering smile

My heart is beating fast
How long can. This. Last?

Let’s dance
Let’s set the room on fire
Leaving flames of desire
And ignite passion for tonight
Let it taste like wine
And let the whispers grow
So let’s burn down this place
Till there’s nothing left but me and you
Let’s. Dance.

I’m trapped in your eyes
Which are glued on mine
I can hardly breathe
Yet I hardly feel a need

Sparks are flying
And burning in my chest
There should have been a trial
For the lighting in your smile

I know you feel it too
From the wonder on your face
Perhaps we both knew
I’ve been waiting for you

My heart is beating fast
How long can. This. Last?

Let’s dance
Let’s set the room on fire
Leaving flames of desire
And ignite passion for tonight
Let it taste like wine
And let the whispers grow
So let’s burn down this place
Till there’s nothing left but me and you
Let’s. Dance.

You take my hand with a kiss
It’s never been like this
You whisper in my ear

Let’s dance
Let’s set the room on fire
Leaving flames of desire
And ignite passion for tonight
Let it taste like wine
And let the whispers grow
So let’s burn down this place
Till there’s nothing left but me and you
Let’s. Dance.

Yes, let’s dance
Let’s set the room on fire
Leaving flames of desire
And ignite passion for tonight
Let it taste like wine
And let the whispers grow
So let’s burn down this place
Till there’s nothing left but me and you
Let’s. Dance.

 

What’s love at first sight? Is it a sudden breathlessness, a sudden need, a sudden quick pulse? Is it like when your crush walks into the room, and it feels like all of the oxygen has suddenly disappeared?
While I wouldn’t know, there are certainly enough movies that explore the idea, and some people claim that they had that love at first sight feeling. Watch all the bridal shows. They’re all so sure, and many of them do claim love at first sight. But was it truly ‘love’, per say, or simply lust? How can you love somebody without knowing them? Their character, their habits, their quirks? Is that not what we fall in love with? Could it not be you are in the bar and you see a beautiful girl and suddenly, you want her? You perhaps didn’t really fall in love with her at that moment, you wanted to know her. It might just sound good when and if you do end up going out.
While I am not bashing the idea of love at first sight, and am wondering if perhaps when it does happen, is it sudden and a like a flash fire, or if it’s like a slow burning fire, slow to start with some smoke, but hot, and even when it burns to embers, it’s still able to burn?
While I don’t know what it’s like, I can guess. Perhaps it’s like when you fall in love with a place. You might not know everything about it, but you just know you love it. That’s what I tried to do in this poem.
Anyways, I wrote this on my flight from Montreal back to Calgary. What a crazy city. I really enjoyed it though. I’m a sucker for history, and enjoyed that quite a bit, though I think I would enjoy it better in the summer. The view from the plane right now though is absolutely stunning though. Not a single cloud; just the land that looks like it goes on forever. Something else to write about, perhaps? Better look out for it.